Wednesday, February 1, 2012

A to B or B to A?


alhamdulillah, thanks to those who had spent some times reading my blog, really appreciate that. and also, thanks to the followers too, for the support of course. i tried to follow ye'all back but seems like my google id has something wrong somewhere, and it can't be detected.. but insyaAllah, i will try to do it later :))

anyway, exam weeks here! i got three papers to go, i know they are too less compared to others especially my juniors, but heyy come on, i am a third year student! of course, i also had been through those times where there were like 10 papers lining up in a week during my first year and second year, but now it is time for me to rest a lil bit and preparing myself well for the final year, insyaAllah.

even so, less papers require higher determination i guess. because of there are tooo much time for me to study, i am like mingling around doing nothing, facebooking all the time (twittering also of course), and phewww it's hard to spend some times for study! lack of motivation...huh.

"change is never easy. you fight to hold on, and you fight to let go"

have you ever heard this statement? i got it from farah lee's blog. i guess there is no one who's never heard of farah lee. actually, i am one of her fans (don't want to admit this at first but i know i didn't lose anything for doing that). i'm not gonna say anything about her here, but i just want to re-use her statement as mine, i think she wouldn't mind, kot.

definitely change is never easy, i admit that. forgetting the things we were used to before, and replacing them with the newer and the better one is not that simple.

looking back at my past, i used to be a different person during my high school. my timetable pack with usrah and programs for junior students. i used to be that type of skema-annoying girl till at one point i wished i were not ME. as i was one of those who held big responsibility in school, i have to show my best to other students especially the juniors. i believed that as a leader, i need to be a good example to others, in every aspect of life - personality, exam's results, human relationship, etc etc.

i once used to wear those labuh-sampai-ke-lutut kind of hijab. during that time, i knew i were taking a big step in my life since i couldn't possibly on off on off wearing those type of hijab. and i knew, as my hijab's got longer, my responsibility is getting bigger. people will look at me and they will tend to judge my acts according to my hijab's size. but i was prepared for that. i determined to improve myself, insyaAllah for Allah sake.

it was not as easy as i'd been imagined. to wear those kind of hijab i had to adjust my manner as well. i can't talk or hang out with the boys freely anymore - in order not to hurt the pride of my hijab's size. i can't laugh loudly as i used to be before, and many more changes which i need to pay attention to. i had to suppressed everything down till i forgot for whom did i were doing those changes.

but during that time, i have my friends with me. the comrades who were walking together towards Al-Khaliq. whenever i was lost, they were there to show me right, when i was drowned, they were there to pull me up. they had been my strength, really. truthfully, this is one of the best time yet the most challenging period in my life.

however, everything changed within a blink. i spent few years for building my soul and my iman, but it took me just few days for ruining them. oh, i think there is a need to rephrase, change is never easy if it is from B to A, but change is very easy if it is from A to B. agree?

get much more to go, but i'll stop here for now, will continue writing some time soon!

tiramisu halal.

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